TV's top hosts used the broadcast mocking President Donald Trump's recently unveiled visa program, labeled the "Trump card," describing it as a clear pay-for-access system for the rich.
Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical Christmas song about the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... destroys everything he touches."
The subject was the new program that allows international individuals to purchase U.S. legal status for a sum of one million dollars, or "premium" tier for 5 million. An official page promises processing "with unprecedented speed."
"A brief message here to rich applicants: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.
He pointed out that the scheme is also designed to "extract cash" from companies looking to hire foreign workers, with hefty costs. "That's a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.
"The most thorough background check the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals truly are eligible to be in America."
"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."
"This is a card that will allow affluent foreigners to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."
"Perhaps it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.
Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the form, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."
"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."
On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging approval ratings during economic anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he explained.
This week, in a bid to tackle affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of food items, and behaved oddly to boxes of cereal.
"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."
"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"
Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning media arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.
