"In my view I was just in survival mode for twelve months."
One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.
Yet the truth soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.
Life-threatening health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also looking after their infant son Leo.
"I handled every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan shared.
Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.
The straightforward statement "You're not in a good spot. You require support. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.
His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers go through.
Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a broader reluctance to talk amongst men, who often hold onto harmful notions of manhood.
Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."
"It is not a display of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.
Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.
They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the family.
Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to take a pause - spending a couple of days away, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.
He realised he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a newborn.
When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.
That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.
He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.
Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.
The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.
During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.
Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "bad choices" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.
"You find your way to substances that don't help," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."
When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the death, having had no contact with him for years.
Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.
When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions safely.
The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.
"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.
"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I believe my job is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."
